Terms and Conditions
This agreement applies as between you, the User of this Website and Pink Pearl Consulting Limited, the owner(s) of this Website. Your agreement to comply with and be bound by Clauses 1, 2, 4 – 11 and 15 – 25 of these Terms and Conditions is deemed to occur upon your first use of the Website. Clauses 3 and 12 – 14 apply only to the sale of Services. If you do not agree to be bound by these Terms and Conditions, you should stop using the Website immediately.
No part of this Website is intended to constitute a contractual offer capable of acceptance. Your order constitutes a contractual offer and Our acceptance of that offer is deemed to occur upon Our sending a confirmation email to you indicating that your order has been accepted.
No part of this Website is intended to constitute a contractual offer capable of acceptance. Your order constitutes a contractual offer and Our acceptance of that offer is deemed to occur upon Our sending a confirmation email to you indicating that your order has been accepted.
Disclaimers
- Our courses are designed to provide general information and are not a substitute for professional advice, including fostering regulations or medical guidance. If you have any medical concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare provider.
- If you are a registered foster carer, you are responsible for your own decisions and practices. When in doubt, consult your Supervising Social Worker or Case Worker for guidance.
- While we aim to provide accurate and up-to-date content, we cannot guarantee its completeness or accuracy.
- We are not therapeutic parenting experts, nor do we claim to be. However, we use and support the use of therapeutic techniques, alongside traditional parenting methods, based on our understanding and experience.
- We are registered foster carers in the UK with lived experience of managing challenging behaviour.
- Sebastian brings 25 years of expertise in designing online courses, so we hope you’ll find value in our courses.
- For courses requiring additional expertise, we ensure peer review by a UK-registered Social Worker or Clinical Psychotherapist. Peer-reviewed courses will be clearly labelled on the course page.
1. Definitions and Interpretation
In this Agreement the following terms shall have the following meanings:
"Account": means collectively the personal information, Payment Information and credentials used by Users to access Paid Content and / or any communications System on the Website;
"Content": means any text, graphics, images, audio, video, software, data compilations and any other form of information capable of being stored in a computer that appears on or forms part of this Website;
"Facilities": means collectively any online facilities, tools, services or information that Pink Pearl Consulting Limited makes available through the Website either now or in the future;
"Services": means the services available to you through this Website, specifically use of the Pink Pearl Consulting Limited proprietary e-learning platform;
"Payment Information": means any details required for the purchase of Services from this Website. This includes, but is not limited to, credit / debit card numbers, bank account numbers and sort codes;
"System": means any online communications infrastructure that Pink Pearl Consulting Limited makes available through the Website either now or in the future. This includes, but is not limited to, web-based email, message boards, live chat facilities and email links;
"User" / "Users": means any third party that accesses the Website and is not employed by Pink Pearl Consulting Limited Ltd and acting in the course of their employment;
"Website": means the website that you are currently using (www.pinkpearlparent.academy) and any sub-domains of this site (e.g. subdomain.yourschool.com) unless expressly excluded by their own terms and conditions; and
2. Age Restrictions
Persons under the age of 18 should use this Website only with the supervision of an Adult. Payment Information must be provided by or with the permission of an Adult.
3. Business Customers
These Terms and Conditions also apply to customers procuring Services in the course of business.
4. Intellectual Property
- 4.1 Subject to the exceptions in Clause 5 of these Terms and Conditions, all Content included on the Website, unless uploaded by Users, including, but not limited to, text, graphics, logos, icons, images, sound clips, video clips, data compilations, page layout, underlying code and software is the property of Pink Pearl Consulting Limited, our affiliates or other relevant third parties. By continuing to use the Website you acknowledge that such material is protected by applicable [COUNTRY] and International intellectual property and other laws.
- 4.2 Subject to Clause 6 you may not reproduce, copy, distribute, store or in any other fashion re-use material from the Website unless otherwise indicated on the Website or unless given Our express written permission to do so.
5. Third Party Intellectual Property
- 5.1 Unless otherwise expressly indicated, all Intellectual Property rights including, but not limited to, Copyright and Trademarks, in product images and descriptions belong to the manufacturers or distributors of such products as may be applicable.
- 5.2 Subject to Clause 6 you may not reproduce, copy, distribute, store or in any other fashion re-use such material unless otherwise indicated on the Website or unless given express written permission to do so by the relevant manufacturer or supplier.
6. Fair Use of Intellectual Property
Material from the Website may be re-used without written permission where any of the exceptions detailed in Chapter III of the Copyright Designs and Patents Act 1988 apply.
7. Links to Other Websites
This Website may contain links to other sites. Unless expressly stated, these sites are not under the control of Pink Pearl Consulting Limited or that of Our affiliates. We assume no responsibility for the content of such websites and disclaim liability for any and all forms of loss or damage arising out of the use of them. The inclusion of a link to another site on this Website does not imply any endorsement of the sites themselves or of those in control of them.
8. Links to this Website
Those wishing to place a link to this Website on other sites may do so only to the home page of the site www.pinkpearlparent.academy without Our prior permission. Deep linking (i.e. links to specific pages within the site) requires Our express written permission. To find out more please contact Us by email at enquiries@pinkpearlparent.academy or call us in the following number: your_number.
9. Use of Communications Facilities
- 9.1 When using any System on the Website you should do so in accordance with the following rules. Failure to comply with these rules may result in your Account being suspended or closed:
- 9.1.1 You must not use obscene or vulgar language;
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- 9.1.4 It is advised that submissions are made using the English language as We may be unable to respond to enquiries submitted in any other languages;
- 9.1.5 The means by which you identify yourself must not violate these Terms and Conditions or any applicable laws;
- 9.1.6 You must not impersonate other people, particularly employees and representatives of Pink Pearl Consulting Limited or Our affiliates; and
- 9.1.7 You must not use Our System for unauthorised mass-communication such as "spam" or "junk mail".
- 9.2 You acknowledge that Pink Pearl Consulting Limited reserves the right to monitor any and all communications made to Us or using Our System.
- 9.3 You acknowledge that Pink Pearl Consulting Limited may retain copies of any and all communications made to Us or using Our System.
- 9.4 You acknowledge that any information you send to Us through Our System may be modified by Us in any way and you hereby waive your moral right to be identified as the author of such information. Any restrictions you may wish to place upon Our use of such information must be communicated to Us in advance and We reserve the right to reject such terms and associated information.
10. Accounts
- 10.1 In order to procure Services on this Website and to use certain other parts of the System, you are required to create an Account which will contain certain personal details and Payment Information which may vary based upon your use of the Website as We may not require payment information until you wish to make a purchase. By continuing to use this Websiteyou represent and warrant that:
- 10.1.1 all information you submit is accurate and truthful;
- 10.1.2 you have permission to submit Payment Information where permission may be required; and
- 10.1.3 you will keep this information accurate and up-to-date. Your creation of an Account is further affirmation of your representation and warranty.
- 10.2 It is recommended that you do not share your Account details, particularly your username and password. We accept no liability for any losses or damages incurred as a result of your Account details being shared by you. If you use a shared computer, it is recommended that you do not save your Account details in your internet browser.
- 10.3 If you have reason to believe that your Account details have been obtained by another person without consent, you should contact Us immediately to suspend your Account and cancel any unauthorised orders or payments that may be pending. Please be aware that orders or payments can only be cancelled up until provision of Services has commenced. In the event that an unauthorised provision commences prior to your notifying Us of the unauthorised nature of the order or payment then you shall be charged for the period from the commencement of the provision of services until the date you notified us and may be charged for a billing cycle of one month.
- 10.4 When choosing your username you are required to adhere to the terms set out above in Clause 9. Any failure to do so could result in the suspension and/or deletion of your Account.
11. Termination and Cancellation of Accounts
- 11.1 Either Pink Pearl Consulting Limited or you may terminate your Account. If We terminate your Account, you will be notified by email and an explanation for the termination will be provided. Notwithstanding the foregoing, We reserve the right to terminate without giving reasons.
- 11.2 If We terminate your Account, any current or pending orders or payments on your Account will be cancelled and provision of Services will not commence.
12. Services, Pricing and Availability
- 12.1 Whilst every effort has been made to ensure that all general descriptions of Services available from Pink Pearl Consulting Limited correspond to the actual Services that will be provided to you, We are not responsible for any variations from these descriptions as the exact nature of the Services may vary depending on your individual requirements and circumstances. This does not exclude Our liability for mistakes due to negligence on Our part and refers only to variations of the correct Services, not different Services altogether. Please refer to sub-Clause 13.8 for incorrect Services.
- 12.2 Where appropriate, you may be required to select the required Plan of Services.
- 12.3 We neither represent nor warrant that such Services will be available at all times and cannot necessarily confirm availability until confirming your Order. Availability indications are not provided on the Website.
- 12.4 All pricing information on the Website is correct at the time of going online. We reserve the right to change prices and alter or remove any special offers from time to time and as necessary.
- 12.5 In the event that prices are changed during the period between an order being placed for Services and Us processing that order and taking payment, then the price that was valid at the time of the order shall be used.
13. Orders and Provision of Services
- 13.1 No part of this Website constitutes a contractual offer capable of acceptance. Your order constitutes a contractual offer that We may, at Our sole discretion, accept. Our acceptance is indicated by Us sending to you an order confirmation email. Only once We have sent you an order confirmation email will there be a binding contract between Pink Pearl Consulting Limited and you.
- 13.2 Order confirmations under sub-Clause 13.1 will be sent to you before the Services begin and shall contain the following information:
- 13.2.1 Confirmation of the Services ordered including full details of the main characteristics of those Services;
- 13.2.2 Fully itemised pricing for the Services ordered including, where appropriate, taxes, delivery and other additional charges;
- 13.2.3 Relevant times and dates for the provision of the Services;
- 13.2.4 User credentials and relevant information for accessing those services.
- 13.3 If We, for any reason, do not accept your order, no payment shall be taken under normal circumstances. In any event, any sums paid by you in relation to that order will be refunded within 14 calendar days.
- 13.4 Payment for the Services shall be taken via your chosen payment method, immediately for any setup fee that corresponds to the service plan you purchased and at the same day of each subsequent month (“billing cycle”) for charges accrued during the previous month (“billing cycle”) AND/OR as indicated in the order confirmation you received.
- 13.5 We aim to fulfill your Order within 2-3 working days or if not, within a reasonable period following your Order, unless there are exceptional circumstances. If we cannot fulfill your Order within a reasonable period, we will inform you at the time you place the Order by a note on the relevant web page or by contacting you directly after you place your Order. Time is not of the essence of the Contract, which means we will aim to fulfill your Order within any agreed timescales but this is not an essential term of the Contract and we will not be liable to you if we do not do so. If the Services are to begin within 14 calendar days of Our acceptance of your order, at your express request, you will be required to expressly acknowledge that your statutory cancellation rights, detailed below in Clause 14, will be affected.
- 13.6 Pink Pearl Consulting Limited shall use all Our reasonable endeavours to provide the Services with reasonable skill and care, commensurate with best trade practice.
- 13.7 In the event that Services are provided that are not in conformity with your order and thus incorrect, you should contact Us immediately to inform Us of the mistake. We will ensure that any necessary corrections are made within five (5) working days.
- Additional terms and conditions may apply to the provision of certain Services. You will be asked to read and confirm your acceptance of any such terms and conditions when completing your Order.
- 13.8 Pink Pearl Consulting Limited provides technical support via our online support forum and/or email. Pink Pearl Consulting Limited makes every effort possible to respond in a timely manner but we do not guarantee a particular response time.
14. Cancellation of Orders and Services
We want you to be completely satisfied with the Products or Services you order from Pink Pearl Consulting Limited. If you need to speak to us about your Order, then please email at enquiries@pinkpearlparent.academy. You may cancel an Order that we have accepted or cancel the Contract. If any Specific Terms accompanying the Service contain terms about cancelling the Service, the cancellation policy in the Specific Terms will apply.
- 14.1 If you are a consumer based within the European Union, you have a statutory right to a “cooling off” period. This period begins once your order is confirmed and the contract between Pink Pearl Consulting Limited and you is formed and ends at the end of 14 calendar days after that date. If you change your mind about the Services within this period and wish to cancel your order, please inform Us immediately using the following email: enquiries@pinkpearlparent.academy. Your right to cancel during the cooling off period is subject to the provisions of sub-Clause 14.2.
- 14.2 As specified in sub-Clause 13.6, if the Services are to begin within the cooling off period you are required to make an express request to that effect. By requesting that the Services begin within the 14 calendar day cooling off period you acknowledge and agree to the following:
- 14.2.1 If the Services are fully performed within the 14 calendar day cooling off period, you will lose your right to cancel after the Services are complete.
- 14.2.2 If you cancel the Services after provision has begun but is not yet complete you will still be required to pay for the Services supplied up until the point at which you inform Us that you wish to cancel. The amount due shall be calculated in proportion to the full price of the Services and the actual Services already provided. Any sums that have already been paid for the Services shall be refunded subject to deductions calculated in accordance with the foregoing. Refunds, where applicable, will be issued within 5 working days and in any event no later than 14 calendar days after you inform Us that you wish to cancel.
- 14.3 Cancellation of Services after the 14 calendar day cooling off period has elapsed shall be subject to the specific terms governing those Services and may be subject to a minimum contract duration.
15. Privacy
Use of the Website is also governed by Our Privacy Policy (www.pinkpearlparent.academy/privacy) which is incorporated into these Terms and Conditions by this reference. To view the Privacy Policy, please click on the link above.
16. How We Use Your Personal Information (Data Protection)
- 16.1 All personal information that We may collect (including, but not limited to, your name and address) will be collected, used and held in accordance with the provisions of the Data Protection Act 1998 and your rights under that Act.
- 16.2 We may use your personal information to:
- 16.2.1 Provide Our Services to you;
- 16.2.2 Process your payment for the Services; and
- 16.2.3 Inform you of new products and services available from Us. You may request that We stop sending you this information at any time.
- 16.3 In certain circumstances (if, for example, you wish to purchase Services on credit), and with your consent, We may pass your personal information on to credit reference agencies. These agencies are also bound by the Data Protection Act 1998 and should use and hold your personal information accordingly.
- 16.4 We will not pass on your personal information to any other third parties without first obtaining your express permission.
- 16.5 If a user wishes to be a part of our academy no longer, then they can click on 'Delete my account' and 'forget me'. Your personally identifiable information will be deleted permanently and we will anonymize your history on this site. This is known as the “Right to be Forgotten”. Please remember that this doesn’t include any financial transactions completed on our website or other information we are legally required to be kept.
17. Disclaimers
These are detailed at the start of this page.
18. Changes to the Facilities and these Terms and Conditions
We reserve the right to change the Website, its Content or these Terms and Conditions at any time. You will be bound by any changes to the Terms and Conditions from the first time you use the Website following the changes. If We are required to make any changes to these Terms and Conditions by law, these changes will apply automatically to any orders currently pending in addition to any orders placed by you in the future.
19. Availability of the Website
- 19.1 The Website is provided “as is” and on an “as available” basis. Pink Pearl Consulting Limited uses industry best practices to provide a high uptime, including a fault-tolerant architecture hosted in cloud servers. We give no warranty that the Website or Facilities will be free of defects and / or faults and we do not provide any kind of refund for outages. We provide no warranties (express or implied) of fitness for a particular purpose, accuracy of information, compatibility and satisfactory quality.
- 19.2 We accept no liability for any disruption or non-availability of the Website resulting from external causes including, but not limited to, ISP equipment failure, host equipment failure, communications network failure, power failure, natural events, acts of war or legal restrictions and censorship.
20. Limitation of Liability
- 20.1 To the maximum extent permitted by law, We accept no liability for any direct or indirect loss or damage, foreseeable or otherwise, including any indirect, consequential, special or exemplary damages arising from the use of the Website or any information contained therein. You should be aware that you use the Website and its Content at your own risk.
- 20.2 Nothing in these Terms and Conditions excludes or restricts .
- 20.3 Nothing in these Terms and Conditions excludes or restricts Pink Pearl Consulting Limited's liability for any direct or indirect loss or damage arising out of the incorrect provision of Services or out of reliance on incorrect information included on the Website.
- 20.4 In the event that any of these terms are found to be unlawful, invalid or otherwise unenforceable, that term is to be deemed severed from these Terms and Conditions and shall not affect the validity and enforceability of the remaining Terms and Conditions. This term shall apply only within jurisdictions where a particular term is illegal.
21. No Waiver
In the event that any party to these Terms and Conditions fails to exercise any right or remedy contained herein, this shall not be construed as a waiver of that right or remedy.
22. Previous Terms and Conditions
In the event of any conflict between these Terms and Conditions and any prior versions thereof, the provisions of these Terms and Conditions shall prevail unless it is expressly stated otherwise.
23. Third Party Rights
Nothing in these Terms and Conditions shall confer any rights upon any third party. The agreement created by these Terms and Conditions is between you and Pink Pearl Consulting Limited.
24. Communications
- 24.1 All notices / communications shall be given to Us either by email to enquiries@pinkpearlparent.academy. Such notice will be deemed received 3 days after posting if sent by first class post, the day of sending if the email is received in full on a business day and on the next business day if the email is sent on a weekend or public holiday.
- 24.2 We may from time to time, if you opt to receive it, send you information about Our products and/or services. If you do not wish to receive such information, please click on the ‘Unsubscribe’ link in any email which you receive from Us.
25. Law and Jurisdiction
These Terms and Conditions and the relationship between you and Pink Pearl Consulting Limited shall be governed by and construed in accordance with the Law of England and Wales and Pink Pearl Consulting Limited and you agree to submit to the exclusive jurisdiction of the United Kingdom.
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What this pearl is all about
When children tip into full-blown distress – red-faced, fists clenched, or wailing – something important is happening inside their brains. Especially if there’s trauma in the mix. The rational part goes offline and the survival system takes over. Fight, flight… sometimes both at once. And in that state, calming down on their own is almost impossible.
That’s where you come in. By staying steady – calm body, calm voice – you become the anchor. It’s not glamorous, but it’s powerful. Your calm nervous system helps to steady theirs. Psychologists call it co-regulation. I call it being the anchor in their storm.
The tricky bit, of course, is regulating yourself first. Because their anger can be contagious. It’s very easy to catch it, to snap back. But if you can keep your cool – soften your tone, ground yourself – you transmit calm instead of panic.
And when you do that, you’re saying something profound without words: even at your worst, you’re still safe with me. Over time, those storms lose some of their terror. The child begins to believe it. They borrow your calm again and again, until eventually they start to grow some of their own.
What you could say in the moment
“I can see you’re feeling a really big storm inside right now. It’s okay – I’m right here with you, and you’re safe. Take some deep breaths with me. We will get through this together.”
(Said softly, perhaps while offering a reassuring hand on the shoulder if welcomed, conveying that you are not angry and will stay by the child’s side until the emotional waves settle.)
(Said softly, perhaps while offering a reassuring hand on the shoulder if welcomed, conveying that you are not angry and will stay by the child’s side until the emotional waves settle.)

What this pearl is all about
Children in foster care don’t usually lie in the way adults think of lying – not with the cold calculation of a fraudster in a Netflix documentary. More often it’s a kind of survival tactic, almost automatic. Trauma specialists even talk about it as a “fourth F.” You’ve heard of fight, flight, freeze… well, lying becomes another option. Not to get one over on you, but to dodge the sting of shame, or the dread of being punished, or simply the awful feeling of being powerless.
That’s where the Curiosity Lens comes in. Imagine putting on a pair of invisible glasses or holding up a magnifying glass. Instead of seeing the fib at face value, you start to see what’s underneath it – the fear of rejection, the nervous energy, the shame the child doesn’t know how to name. With PACE in mind – curiosity and acceptance especially – you suspend the moral outrage, the urge to shout “just tell me the truth,” and you lean in gently instead.
It’s not about catching them out. It’s about keeping the conversation alive. As one parenting guide wisely put it: stay exploratory, keep wondering aloud. If you shame them, they’ll close the door. If you stay curious, they might just leave it ajar.
And when you respond with genuine interest – “I wonder what made it hard to tell me…” – you send a message that’s bigger than any single lie: I’m not here to trap you, or humiliate you. I’m here to understand you. That, over time, is how trust grows. They learn you’ll meet their honesty with compassion, not punishment. And that changes everything.
What you could say in the moment
“Hmm, that’s an interesting story you’ve told me. I wonder if maybe it feels safer to say that than what really happened? If you’re worried about getting in trouble, you don’t have to be – you are safe with me. Whatever happened, we can sort it out together. Can you help me understand what’s going on?”
(This phrasing invites the child to explain, without outright accusing them of lying. It uses "I wonder" instead of "You’re lying", signalling curiosity. You might even playfully put on “magic truth glasses” with your fingers, if age-appropriate, to lighten the moment and show the child they’re not angry.)
(This phrasing invites the child to explain, without outright accusing them of lying. It uses "I wonder" instead of "You’re lying", signalling curiosity. You might even playfully put on “magic truth glasses” with your fingers, if age-appropriate, to lighten the moment and show the child they’re not angry.)
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What this pearl is all about
Many children in care carry a kind of hidden script in their heads. It says: I am bad. It’s my fault. They don’t usually say it out loud, but it’s there, humming away. It comes from years of early hurt, of being rejected again and again. Some even learn that if they show real feelings – sadness, anger, longing – it might lead to punishment, or worse, abandonment. So they tuck those feelings away, and the shame festers.
This is where the Acceptance Shield comes in. It’s less superhero cape, more everyday armour. You hold it up, deliberately and consistently, to protect the child from those shame-arrows. It means making a very clear distinction: I don’t always like your behaviour, but I always accept you.
In PACE terms, it’s acceptance and empathy working in tandem. You meet the child’s feelings as they are, even the messy ones. You empathise with the shame they’re drowning in. And practically, it means tempering your own response. No harsh telling-off. No thunderous disappointment. Instead: “You’re not a bad kid. I get why this happened. And I still care about you.”
Because here’s the thing: children watch closely for whether their inner world is safe with you. If you counter their self-criticism – “I’m stupid, I’m bad” – with calm, believable truths – “You’re good, you’re worthy” – you’re teaching them a new script. One where they’re not discarded for messing up. One where they’re covered.
And when you hold that shield day after day, the child starts to believe it. Their sense of self stitches back together. They start to grow resilience against shame and rejection. And in that, the bond between you becomes their secure base – something solid, at last, in a life that’s often felt shaky.
What you could say in the moment
“I know you feel really bad about this. It’s okay – we all make mistakes, but I want you to hear this: I’m not angry and I’m not leaving. I love you no matter what. Nothing will change that. Let’s figure out how to make it right together when you’re ready.”
(This script explicitly assures the child of your enduring acceptance. Phrases like “no matter what” and “nothing will change that” directly address fear of rejection. You might literally open your arms like a shield or put an arm around the child if appropriate, to physically reinforce the feeling of protection and safety.)
(This script explicitly assures the child of your enduring acceptance. Phrases like “no matter what” and “nothing will change that” directly address fear of rejection. You might literally open your arms like a shield or put an arm around the child if appropriate, to physically reinforce the feeling of protection and safety.)
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What this pearl is all about
Defiance in children can feel like a brick wall. They cross their arms, scowl, and say “No!” with the kind of finality usually reserved for magistrates. And you feel that surge of frustration rising – the urge to push back harder. But there’s another option.
The Playful Pause is about puncturing that tense balloon with a bit of silliness. A ridiculous face. A pretend dragon lurking in the room. A mock-serious “emergency” about socks refusing to cooperate. It sounds daft, and in a way it is. But daftness is often what works.
The magic of playfulness is that it pauses the power struggle. It shifts the dynamic from “me against you” to “me with you.” For a younger child, it might be full-on theatrics. For a teenager, maybe a raised eyebrow and a wry, self-deprecating joke. Either way, it says: I’m not your enemy. We can reset this together.
It doesn’t mean ignoring the behaviour. It just means you’re smart enough to know that humour can sneak past defences that sternness never will. And once you’ve both laughed, even a little, the wall crumbles. Suddenly there’s room to carry on. Together.
What you could say in the moment
In a mock-serious narrator voice: “Oh no... the Defiance Dragon has entered the room! It’s making us both all grumpy. Quick, I have an idea – I’ll make a funny face to scare it off… 😜 See, the dragon is laughing! Can you give it a try? [Child pulls a face] Hooray, we scared it away together!” (Both laugh, tension breaks) “Alright, shall we give (the task) another go now?”
In this playful script, you create a tiny imaginative game (“Defiance Dragon”) to externalise the child’s defiance as something we can team up against playfully. The exact script can vary widely by age (for a teenager, humour might be more understated, like you suddenly doing a goofy dance and saying “Ugh, what a morning – shall we hit reset and start over?” with a grin). The essence is to surprise the child out of the stuck position with levity. Your willingness to be a bit silly shows the child it’s safe to drop their guard. Once the child smiles or giggles, even briefly, the emotional climate shifts – we (you and the child) are connected again, and the task or issue can often be revisited with less resistance.
In this playful script, you create a tiny imaginative game (“Defiance Dragon”) to externalise the child’s defiance as something we can team up against playfully. The exact script can vary widely by age (for a teenager, humour might be more understated, like you suddenly doing a goofy dance and saying “Ugh, what a morning – shall we hit reset and start over?” with a grin). The essence is to surprise the child out of the stuck position with levity. Your willingness to be a bit silly shows the child it’s safe to drop their guard. Once the child smiles or giggles, even briefly, the emotional climate shifts – we (you and the child) are connected again, and the task or issue can often be revisited with less resistance.
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What this pearl is all about
When a child withdraws – shuts the bedroom door, curls up silent on the bed – it’s tempting to take it personally. To knock loudly, or to storm off yourself. But here’s the truth: often what’s happening is less about you and more about the child drowning in feelings they can’t quite put words to. Shame, sadness, fear.
The Empathy Bridge is about reaching across that gap. Not forcing them to talk, not demanding eye contact, but sending a quiet signal: I see you. I understand. And I’m here. Maybe it’s a few calm words through the door. Maybe it’s leaving a note or a favourite snack outside. Maybe it’s just sitting nearby, available.
The visual is a bridge of hearts or hands. You stand on your side, they on theirs. And you extend something across – empathy – so when they’re ready, they can walk back over. The bridge is patient. It doesn’t collapse if they don’t use it straight away.
This says to the child: Even if you push me away, I won’t give up on you. And in time, that’s how trust is built. They learn that silence won’t scare you off. That feelings won’t break the relationship. And that you are a steady presence on the far side of the cliff, always waiting, always ready to welcome them back.
What you could say in the moment
(You speak through the door or next to the withdrawn child, calmly and kindly): “I know it’s been a really upsetting day. If I were you, I might want to hide under the covers too. Just wanted to say I understand why you feel that way, and it’s alright. I’m here whenever you feel like talking or even if you just want a hug. Take your time – I’m not going anywhere.”
(In this script, you're naming and normalising the child’s likely feelings, showing empathy: “I’d feel the same if I were in your shoes.” There’s also an explicit assurance of presence: “I’m here… I’m not going anywhere,” which is crucial for a child worried about being given up on. The tone is gentle, not demanding a response. You might sit quietly nearby, or leave a soft toy or drawing materials as an invitation. The child then knows the bridge is there whenever they are ready to cross back into interaction. Even if the child doesn’t respond immediately, such messages sink in and over time the child will trust that the carer truly cares and empathises with them.)
(In this script, you're naming and normalising the child’s likely feelings, showing empathy: “I’d feel the same if I were in your shoes.” There’s also an explicit assurance of presence: “I’m here… I’m not going anywhere,” which is crucial for a child worried about being given up on. The tone is gentle, not demanding a response. You might sit quietly nearby, or leave a soft toy or drawing materials as an invitation. The child then knows the bridge is there whenever they are ready to cross back into interaction. Even if the child doesn’t respond immediately, such messages sink in and over time the child will trust that the carer truly cares and empathises with them.)
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